Firelight

As an addendum to our previous blog post, here is an article written by Christina Chaey on the great news-gathering tool viewer, Vineviewer.

Hello fellow readers!

It’s about time we update our blog with all of the fun stuff we’ve experienced at FireFall Pro, pre- and post- new year. There’s no better way to describe our fun than by using Pusheen the cat to depict it all.

How we spent Thanksgiving:	How we spent Festivus:
How we spent Xmas: Who knew that Christmas trees could be so tasty?	How we spent New Year’s Eve:
How we’re spending the New Year in the office:

Happy New Year, everyone!

We’ve recently had some inquiries regarding the various departments and staff within the FireFall Headquarters. So, here we are to dispel rumors, and to enlighten those who may be interested in gaining further knowledge about our company.

Our tentative mascot (as of July 17, 2012)

Meet Harry the baby wombat. He’s thoroughly upset when people misspell his name (see: “Hairy”, Hairball”, “Hairywomb”). Don’t make this mistake.

Our PR Department
One may believe that our PR department consists of a handful of people (if you’ve called our office, you may have had the pleasure of speaking to multiple representatives), but in actuality we just hired a voice actor to play the role of three different employees – Scott, Jess, and Lily. Hiring voice actors is advantageous because it reduces the workload of employees and gives the impression that we in fact care enough to have you on hold for 15 minutes while we “forward you to a higher up”.

Our Resources Department
Thanks to our Craigslist solicitors (refer to our Illiteracy Contest Awards), we have a plethora of potential employees we could recruit on our team. Fortunately, we don’t want any of them.

Our S’mores & Liquor Department
Have you ever seen the show “The IT Crowd”? This department is comparable to that show– they hide out in a basement and only ever come out for office parties, i.e. every day after 5 when S’mores and Liquor make an appearance.

This list is already getting too long and bothersome to deal with. Call our Customer Service Department if you want to know more: (917) 464-5231

Until next time, fellow readers!

For those of you unaware, life as Jess Tayts The Project Manager is stressful. Lots of irregular sleep patterns due to all-weekend Phish festivals, lots of Project Managing-esque jobs to tend to, and on top of all of that — lots of tormenting and an unusually large display of hate from Scott P. You may wonder who this “Scott” character is; to many he’s an anomaly, to others (by “others” we mean Jess) he’s the equivalent of Jewish hell if Jewish hell were in existence.

If we had to describe this “Scott” guy more accurately, we would plaster his face on the head of a feisty cat whose owners neglect to feed him. Lack of food equals lack of affection. Occasionally, Jess attempts to feed him in an effort to loosen him up and prevent him from lashing out on her. Sadly, her efforts are futile.

Our lovely new addition to the office, Norman the Narwhal. Sometimes he wanders around the office in a drunken stupor –looking for people who are willing to listen to him mumble incoherently about his love-hate relationship with Charlie the unicorn (after all, Charlie is far more handsome and less plump) or  even topics as far-fetched as the internet’s infatuation with cat memes over narwhal memes. And, sometimes…oh who are we kidding– all of the time, he’s typically whimpering in a corner over his lack of narwhal fame. Even in his states of sobriety, he manages to maneuver his plump self into some section of the office in order to cause havoc.

Seriously, who isn’t turned on by LOLcats’ repertoire of sexy one-liners? But narwhals…narwhals…well, they’re a different type of breed. Unique. Whimsical. Plump. Perhaps less cute, but always bringing with them a good time.